Saturday Stories #7 Someone Pretending to Be Something They Are Not
Rediscover a love for fiction, because stories can change the world
These fiction stories are unedited, unfiltered, and written in 15-25 minutes. Please be aware that they may contain intense material related to emotional healing, trauma recovery, and redirected fears.
Written at Multifaceted Journeys Fiction Writing Group July 26, 2022
I tried to hide the fire inside that threatened to burst forth. The wings that wanted to stretch and be free. I mostly succeeded and zoom helped. They couldn’t see my body and only my face and I could then turn my camera off. But after two years of taking a break from my human form, we were going back in person.
The dread of having to contain my form for hours on end. Only now it was harder, I’d grown used to breaks. Each time it was harder to return. Sometimes I transformed without intending to and quickly turned off my video. How I longed to not have to hide, to be free and whole and my full self, fire and light, shimmer and wings, to fly, to squawk, to sing like a song bird, to be the fullness of what it means to be a Phoenix arising from the ashes of my past.
And so, I put on the suit, crisp and clean. I walked into my office, smiling eyes, mouths covered. Would my mask catch fire in the 8 hours? I’d brought lots for when they got hot. Yes, I worried it would catch fire and burn my face.
“Morning Tristen,”
“Morning I nodded and headed to my office, but my chair was missing. I felt the smoke and anger smoldering. I couldn’t do this.
“Hey, Jeff, you know what happened to my chair?”
“What? No, mine’s missing too.”
“Strange, maybe they’re in the conference room.”
But no chairs were there either, but outside the window I saw not only the chairs, but my co-workers, but not as I knew them. They were not only not wearing masks, but they were also not in their human forms.
Unicorns,
Cantors,
Fawns.
Today’s Insights
Part of the inspiration for this story came as I had just finished reading a novel where a primary character ends up being a Phoenix. It was a beautiful story about self-acceptance and the rejection society can give to those who are different. Throughout history again and again we hear variations of this, people who are forced to live hidden away or keeping the deepest parts of themselves masked. How scary it is to speak out both on our own behalf, as well as on the behalf of others. The need to conform, to fit in, is a vital part of the human experience. It is an essential survival skill in the humanoid brain. As infants we are among the most vulnerable of all species, thus our need to belong, is hardwired and the lack of attachment can be some of the deepest pain imaginable.
In my work and life, I’ve never fit in. Many times I’ve hidden pieces of my identity or my various selves, because it didn’t feel safe. I’ve equally belonged to two groups that hate each other. Today, I am finding a way to live more authentically and to bring my many communities together under an umbrella where we don’t have to agree, but we can still value and respect each other. We need dissenting voices. We need to know those who think differently, who consider us wrong, or even a threat, because that is where understanding others can happen. That said, it takes a lot of energy and those who’ve been through trauma are not always up for a debate or being in social situations where they aren’t accepted.
Perhaps this is why I’ve found going to groups where I can be openly plural so exhilarating. In 2020 I first discovered there’s a whole conference, The Plural Positivity World Conference, of people who are also multiple. I got up at 5am for an 9am Eastern time session and stayed online and in the chat for hours and hours. Then after leaving this environment where I didn’t have to hide that “I” am a “we”, and had been using that pronoun, “we”, all day, I went to the library and used “we” instead of “I” and felt deep shame and then relief that the librarian hadn’t noticed. I was reminded of the ways I mask my multiplicity and how hard that is at times. I translate everything I say into words that would make sense for someone who’s one rather than many. Even when it’s safe, with accepting friends, or others who are multiples, I do this. I’m doing it right now using “I” instead of “we” for most of this post, most of this Substack. Why? Because many of us still fear the shame that may come when you discover that we really are many.
Your Turn
If you wish to continue the story in your own fiction writing or prose you can start by answering the questions below or by just writing what comes and seeing where your imagination takes you.
Questions for Fiction:
How does know Tristen’s knowing his co-workers non-human forms change his relationship with them?
What feelings does Tristen experience in seeing that he’s not the only non-human being working at the company?
Does Tristen then transform into a Phoenix, or does he continue to pretend to be human?
How does the supervision or authority figures of the company react to everyone being unmasked and in their non-human form?
How does this impact the company?
What kind of relationships form or are changed by this revelation?
Questions for Prose:
What parts or people of yourselves do you hide?
What would it be like to let others see your full selves?
How would you know it was safe to reveal something about yourself that might not be accepted in a group of people?
How do you determine if you have the emotional energy to do this?
How can you support someone who takes a risk and shows an unaccepted piece of who they are to a resistant group?
How in your life are you a voice for those who have to hide or are discriminated against?
What is it like to choose to not speak up? When might that be a valid choice?