Our Trip to the Dentist

Tips and how we worked together despite some internal conflict

#DID #PTSD

We want to fictionalize this story to make it more experiential, but for now here’s a couple tips that helped us have a decent trip, or at least a less traumatic time at the dentist. We hope some of this can be helpful to others who are multiple and who have PTSD, because, you know, no place like the dentist to have triggers galore.

A friend/IHSS worker volunteered to drive us. Normally we don’t even think to ask for support, but having developed some closer relationships and also having one of them who works for us is a big help. We trusted her enough to have her go and it more or less fit into her job description.

Tip: Take a support person, if you have someone you trust who’s available

Next, we wore the shirt that would have our teen guy, Krys, most likely to front. This is his one shirt. Our worker/friend who figured out that there was something unique about this shirt by the way we carefully placed it in the laundry, had some keen observation and noticed it under the sweater. Krys is much better in these situations because he can be a bit fearless. I’m not sure if our friend noticed he was out or not. There’s a bit of a story here about what he and Karlie, our gender sliding social advocate teamed up on once we got there, but I’ll save that for the memoir/fictionized version.

Tip: Send a protector or someone who isn’t fazed, as long as they are able to also negotiate or switch out when there’s a need to be gentle in advocacy

Here is the part where we went wrong. Krys, wanted to ask for a female dentist. We have learned that we do much better with women providers as we don’t get triggered and having someone breathing in your face and sticking fingers in your mouth is unpleasant for most and downright terrifying and retraumatizing for others. We told Krys that this was an emergency dentist and that we didn’t have choices, so all agreed to just take who we were given. However, once we got in the chair there was a wonderful male dentist who was actually seemed to be a kind and decent person. By this time, I think Krys had gone back inside and some gentler people were out. I’m not sure who, but someone let it slip that we usually are more comfortable with female providers. This wonderful dentist asked if we had told them at the front desk and on hearing that we hadn’t asked if we minded if he went to see if one of the woman dentists could work with us because he wanted us to be as comfortable as possible. We said yes, and some of us were so touched by his actually caring and not getting offended that two tears sneaked out despite other insiders attempts to push them down and be brave.

Tip: If you feel more comfortable with someone who is of a specific demographic it’s okay to ask for that

They switched out dentists, so next in our parade of fronters came one of the work/therapist people in our system. She wanted to know all about the dentist’s passions what it was about being a dentist that drew her to the profession and if she liked her job.

Tip: Focus on someone else

Things were taking a while and we hadn’t eaten and were starting to feel a bit of a blood sugar drop. There was an internal conversation, also known as conflict, among us some of us. Some were saying we were fine, others said we really needed to eat something before she started drilling. So, since things had gone good so far, we got up the courage to ask how long it would take and said we were wondering if we could eat something first. The dentist said yes, and explained that we could do that while she set up some stuff. The whole thing took longer than expected so this ended up being a very good decision.

Tip: Eat if you need to

A couple other things that we find helpful during the actual procedure are:

Listening to an audio book—something not too heavy with a voice that feels somewhat safe

Holding something like a stone or putty in our hand that can be something to focus on that’s tactile

We hope that those with PTSD and especially anyone who’s multiple can have an improved experience as a result of these tips. It can take time to figure out what works for you and your system. For anyone who’s singlet (ie: not multiple) or who doesn’t have PTSD dental flair ups we hope this article brings more understanding and perhaps can help if you ever are in a position where you are providing support.

Definitions:

Protector: A term used to refer a person who is part of a multiple system who keeps everyone safe and does things to protect. Sometimes they are not liked and their version of protecting others can find difficult to work with.

Fronters: Anyone who is part of a multiple system who comes to the front and takes control of the body.

Switch: Changing who is out in front from one person (or group of people if the system co-fronts) to another person (or group).